Kid Centered Parenting

Thinking about buying a house, gathering crock pot recipes (I just got one for my birthday) and thinking about parenting* are heavy on my mind these days.  I came across this article on Simple Mom and really, deeply agreed with it.  I’ll share little sections of it, if you’re interested in more, see her site, it’s worth it.

(The following post is written by relationships columnist Corey Allan)

The greatest thing you can do for your kids is learn to focus on yourself.

Let me repeat - the greatest thing you can do for your kids is learn to focus on yourself. Now before you throw stones, hear me out.

Who would you say is in charge in most families?  Is it the parents, or the kids?  In America, the answer is the latter.  Take a look around at the cars as you drive down the road.  The stickers plastered on the back window and bumpers tell the tale of child focus as the latest status symbol in America.

Our culture broadcasts our Trophy Kids similar to the same way we broadcast our affluence by wearing labels with someone else’s name all over our clothes.

Think of the time spent running kids to and from one event to the next.  Days are filled with events geared solely for the kids.  Family life in America has moved from “Children should be seen and not heard” to “No adult conversation possible.”  And the kids know it, too.

So it is absolutely possible that there can be too much focus on the kids. And it’s this over-focus that is harmful to them, to the family - and to you.  The kids that function best in life – in relationships, in education, in careers – are the kids that were most free of child focus during their growing up years.

Child focus is often negative – it’s the scapegoated kid who can do nothing right.  Sometimes it comes across as positive – it’s the golden child who can do no wrong.  The results of either kind of child focus are a lifetime of struggle. The kid left to find his or her own way (and by that, I don’t mean absent of affection or neglected) is the one best prepared to deal directly with life.

*Janis, Addie, Andrea and all the other women close to me. This is not to be construed as committing to having children soon.  I’m always way ahead of myself; over prepared and over-analyzing.  So calm down.